Whether you’re a seasoned trader or just a lover of financial humor, this tee reminds everyone that guaranteed returns are as real as unicorns and free lunches.

Why You’d Love It

• Sarcastic Sophistication: This shirt delivers the punchline upfront—no fine print required. If you’ve ever chuckled at the absurdity of “guaranteed returns,” you’ll appreciate the humor in this.
• Perfect for the Cynical Investor: Wear it to the next finance conference, and enjoy the smirks from fellow traders, portfolio managers, and anyone who's heard that line way too many times.
• Comfy Truth Teller: Crafted from 100% ethically grown US cotton, this shirt is soft enough to cushion the blow of your latest “guaranteed” investment gone wrong. But hey, at least the shirt delivers.

Product Details

• Material: 100% Ethically Grown US Cotton—guaranteed to be comfortable (seriously, no kidding).
• Sizes Available: S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL
• Fit: Relaxed fit, just like you should be when someone promises risk-free returns.
• Discover the convenience of Express 2-day delivery across the US (except Alaska and Hawaii) for the fastest service possible.

Add the "Guaranteed Returns (Just Kidding)" shirt to your cart today—it’s one investment that won’t let you down.

Orders are typically processed within 1-3 business days. Once your order has been processed and shipped, you’ll receive a confirmation email containing your tracking number. You can use this number to track the status of your shipment.

Delivery times vary based on your location, but generally fall within the following ranges:

• US deliveries: 2-7 business days
• EU deliveries: 3-10 business days
• International deliveries: 5-20 business days

Please note that these are estimates, and factors like customs processing, local holidays, or unforeseen delays may affect the delivery time.

For faster service, we also offer Express 2-day delivery across the US (excluding Alaska and Hawaii) for all t-shirts.

Care instructions: Machine wash: warm (max 40C or 105F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: medium, Do not iron, Do not dryclean.

Product information: Gildan 5000, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC. For adults. Made in Nicaragua.

EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY